Quick blog post from me, prompted by a piece from the wonderful Sarah Dale (@creatingfocus) – on the difficult subject of doubt. Below is a flash fiction story that I wrote during a bout of the wobbles whilst editing my first novel Hard Change. Writing it helped steady my nerves. It reminded me that doubt is an essential part of creativity. If we were sure about everything, would there be anything new or different to say? Being open about doubt makes us human and engaging with it can open new doors.
This is highly relevant as I and many brave friends (with an urge to write about public life and local government??!!) embark on a collective flash fiction project (more of which later.) Let me know what you think.
Doubt follows me around the flat. Humming like a faulty plug socket, always about to threaten a nasty shock. It’s clear we’ve become too close. The choice of cereal takes up the morning. Words run and hide whenever I pick up my pen. Umms and errs abound. Tension mounts when her boyfriend, Fear starts staying over. I ask my friends for advice.
Disapproval turns her nose up and shakes her head in reproach – how could you get yourself into this situation? Contempt wants me to evict Doubt immediately. Apprehension isn’t too sure. Distraction suggests a trip to the seaside. I like the idea of a cone of chips on the pier but find myself in a quandary. Interest wants to know the basis of the tenancy, what did I say when Doubt first moved in? I struggle to remember. She popped round now and again but it was never meant to be permanent.
When it all feels too much, I go to my parents for the weekend. Mum says I’ve got plenty of room and that I should try and understand why Doubt has turned up now? My dad encourages me to tell her how I feel. Being the child of Openness and Honesty is irritating. I know they’re right. It’s time to square up to the situation, so I ask her to meet me for a drink. The pub is quiet, the atmosphere relaxed. I opt for the house red and I start to wonder if there’s really a problem. Doubt is hesitant but loosens up when I remind her that I’ll always be there for her. I just need some time to remember who I am.